CLEANING HOUSE
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: Story 43. Selina rids the house of Playboy. Note: Story comes after "Selina vs. Playboy".


More stories! More poor grammar! This story falls after "Selina vs. Playboy".

Enjoy!

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CLEANING HOUSE

* * *

Selina sighed and looked at the ceiling. She was very bored. Bruce had taken Dick and Tim to Metropolis with him to visit Clark and Lois. Selina didn't feel like going on a road trip, so she stayed home to "keep Alfred company".

Selina got out of the bed and slipped on her robe. She was going to do some exploring. She walked down the hallway and pushed open the door to Tim's room. She looked around at the room. It looked like a tornado had exploded in the room and sent stuff all over the place.

Selina shuddered and closed the door behind her. She walked down the hallway again and saw something she had never seen before. There was a crack in the wall. Selina smirked; perhaps it was another one of Bruce's secrets. She put her fingers between the wall and the crack and pulled it open. She stepped inside the pitch black room.

Selina groped around the walls for a light and finally she found the switch. She flipped it on and sighed. The room was about as bright as it had before, just dimly lit by a few fixtures on the opposite wall.

Selina looked at the walls and let out a sharp gasp of disgust. It was as if this small room of Wayne Manor was owned by Hugh Hefner. On the walls were life sized posters of Playboy bunnies and other Playboy models. There were stacks and stacks of Playboy magazines that seemed to go on and on. Selina picked up one of the copies and flipped through it. The boys were going to be in so much trouble.

"Miss Selina?" Alfred called from the foyer.

Selina put the magazine back down, "Yes?"

"Just checking if you were still here. Would you like breakfast?"

"No thanks Alfred," Selina grumbled turning off the light and leaving the room. She leaned over the railing, "Say Alfred."

"Yes Miss Selina?"

"How would you like the day off?"

"Uh, well…"

"C'mon Alfred, you know you want to have the day off."

"Well, it isn't really…"

"Alfred, just take the damn day off."

"Yes Miss Selina."

"Good boy," Selina purred, "Have a nice day off Alfred."

"Indeed…" Alfred mumbled walking back outside.

Selina walked downstairs and into the room where Alfred kept all the cleaning supplies. She looked around and sighed. This was going to be a long day.

Selina trudged up the steps and into the "secret room". She pulled a black plastic bag from her own specially made Batbelt and began ripping the posters off the wall and stuffing them into the bag. After she filled up the first bag she pulled out another and continued filling that one until that one was full.

Once she had filled up about 20 bags of pornography she headed down the hallway to Dick's old room. She opened the door and pulled open his closet. She let out a scream as a stack of magazines came pouring out of the closet, landing on Selina and covering the floor.

"Holy shit," Selina gawked at all the porn. The guys were in so much trouble.

She stuffed the porn into more bags and walked into Tim's room. She opened up Tim's closet and closed her eyes and shielded herself. Nothing came toppling down. She looked around.

"Hmm," Selina muttered looking around the room for anything else.

Maybe Tim was a decent kid. Maybe he didn't think porn was all that great. Maybe he was just pressured by his peers to read it. Selina looked under the bed.

"Or maybe he's a sick pervert like the rest of 'em."

She pulled out a long rectangular box and opened it.

"Surprise, surprise. More porn."

Selina growled, cursing Bruce for letting his sons have all this porn. She stuffed the magazines into more bags. She drug the bags into the hallway. There had to be at least 50 bags of the offensive material.

Selina closed her eyes and walked into Bruce's room. She searched the closet, no porn. She searched under the bed, no porn. She searched in dresser, the mattress, and the bedside tables, there was no porn.

Selina looked around the room. There were an abnormal amount of pictures hanging up on the walls. She studied the picture of Bruce's parents. She looked at Bruce's mom. Bruce had her eyes and her smile. Bruce had the rest of his dad's features.

Selina ran her fingers over the portrait and noticed that there was something behind the picture. She took the picture off the wall and gaped at the small safe. She growled and opened it; Bruce hadn't even bothered to lock it. She looked inside there was a large amount of cash, a few jewels and lo and behold, the stash of porn.

Selina growled, now she was pissed. Was there no more decency in Gotham? She thought Bruce was pure. Well, as pure as a man could be if you count dressing up as a bat and kicking ass. She was going to make the boys pay for this. Make them pay real bad.

* * *

Dick shoved Tim into a bush and walked off. Bruce sighed and gave Dick a swat.

"What?" Dick asked.

"Don't beat up the weakling," Bruce laughed.

Dick laughed and dodged a punch from Tim.

"I hate you," Tim muttered under his breath.

Bruce opened the door to the manor, "Alfred?"

Dick looked around, "Maybe he's giving it to Selina."

Bruce glared at Dick. Dick stepped away.

"Alfred?" Bruce called again.

"Something's wrong," Tim whispered.

Bruce nodded, "I feel it too…"

Dick looked around, "What?"

Bruce looked upstairs, "Something isn't right."

"Hmm," Tim mumbled, "Where should we start?"

"Upstairs."

Tim quickly ran upstairs, "Aw shit."

"Langu- Goddamn it. Never mind," Bruce growled.

"You might wanna see this…"

Bruce walked upstairs and held onto the banisters, "Oh dear God…"

The entire upstairs looked like Tim's room.

"What the hell did you do Tim?" Dick asked.

"Shut up Dick," Tim snapped.

"Oh God," Bruce sighed, "Go searched the house. I'll take downstairs."

Bruce ran downstairs and into the kitchen, "ALFRED!"

Bruce ran past the dining room and saw Selina sitting outside. He ripped open the screen door, "Selina have you s-s-s-s… oh dear God…"

Selina looked up at Bruce, "What's up Brucie?"

"S-selina, w-what is that?"

Selina was sitting next to the pool in her purple swim suit in a lawn chair. Next to her was a huge fire.

"Uh…" Bruce whimpered, "What is that?"

"You mean the fire?" Selina asked lowering her sunglasses to look at Bruce.

"Yes."

Selina got up and kicked a magazine out of the fire and stepped on the flames to put it out. She kicked it towards Bruce, "Look at it."

Bruce opened it with his foot, "Oh dear God…"

"Mhmm," Selina growled glaring at Bruce and crossing her arms.

"Uh…"

"Can you explain?"

"No."

"Alright then," Selina leaned down and stuck a marshmallow on a barbeque skewer. She stuck it into fire, slowly turning it.

Dick ran downstairs, "Bruce! My porn is g-g-g-"

Dick looked at the fire, "What is that?"

Bruce sighed and handed Dick the charred remains of the porn magazine.

"N-no…" Dick cried dropping to his knees, "NOOOOO!"

Bruce and Selina looked at him.

Tim ran outside, "THE PORN ROOM IS GONE!"

Selina glared at Bruce, "Care to explain that?"

"I can't."

"Mhmm," Selina nodded pulling the marshmallow out of the flames.

Dick looked up at Selina, "Why do you punish us so?"

Selina crouched down to Dick, "Why do you still have so much porn?"

"I have no idea."

"Alright. Well, I've taken care of every Goddamn room in this Goddamn house, so there will be no more porn. I turned over every chair and bed, and dresser and table. No more porn remains in this house."

Bruce sighed and watched the large collection of porn blacken and crisp.

Selina walked to Bruce and glared at him, "Your parents would be extremely disappointed with you."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Who in the right mind would store pornographic magazines in a safe behind the picture of their parents?"

Bruce looked at his feet and groaned, "You DID get all the porn."

"I told you so," Selina muttered putting the marshmallow into a graham cracker and adding some chocolate.

Dick moped, "Why?"

"I'm not repeating myself."

Tim sighed, "I am sad."

Bruce sighed, "Selina that was my porn."

"Baby," Selina smiled walking over to Bruce, "I'm your porn. S'more?"

FIN


End file.
